Cry, Cry, Cry, Cry, Cry...
Its the story of my life.
I'm such an emotional girl
Here it comes again
My chest feels tight....
***just wait***
***okay continue***
I feel neglected
My heart has such a yearning
Like nobody really cares
I want the love I never had
Hold on my eyes are burning
***just wait***
***okay continue***
Secret thoughts behind closed eyes
Memories I'll never forget
Hugs and kisses
Re envisioned
Hold on my face is wet
***I cant wait***
***I wont Continue***
I cant wait for someone to come sweep me of my feet
Take me to a paradise
Because we've painted the world as hell
All the drugs that we sell
Deal, Use, Get high
Yea getting high makes me feel so right
But I'm still on the ground running
From my enemies but mostly from myself
I cant continue to do the things I've done
Expecting to get something greater
Greater Love
Greater Happiness
I haven't even tried...
That's why I cry, cry, cry, cry, cry
I give so much
All my heart and all my love
Treat everyone better than myself
Then wonder why I got the hand I was dealt.
Some one told my I didn't love my self...
Maybe its true...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
In His Arms
When I was a child, I had a safe heaven. It was perfect. It was security. It was comfort.
When I was a child, my dad used to beat me... sometimes really bad. I would run upstairs and climb into my grandma's bed and hope that she could protect me, but even at the tender young age of 7, I knew that the only person who could really protect me was God. After I had gotten beat, or when I was really sad, I would go into the spare room in my grandma's house. I called it "The Holy Room." There was a bed, laying sideways against 2 windows. The tall dresser served as the make shift alter. On top there was a fancy china plate with the Virgin Mary painted on it, there was a crucifixion cross, and a white candle was continuously burning. My grandmother also had a small radio that played the christian station (94.7 Family Radio -thanks Kenneth for reminding me-) 24/7/365 (366 in a leap year). This was my safe heaven.
I would lay as close to the window as possible, looking as hard as I could to see at least one star in the bright sky. The flood light next to my window didn't help, but I still tried. After a while, I would say my prayers, just like my grandma taught me (an "Our Father", followed by thanking God for EVERYTHING, then asking for forgiveness for all the wrong things I've done. Then I would ask the lord to bless all the people I knew, I would ask God to fix me and make me a better child, and finally I'd wrap it up with 'In my little bed I lie..."
When my prayers were finally done, I would close my eyes real tight and imagine I was a tiny baby, floating high in the sky, above the clouds, looking down at the stars. I would imagine that God was holding me in his arms, rocking me to sleep, wiping away my tears, and letting me know that everything was going to be okay. If I tried hard enough, I could actually feel myself being rocked back and forth. I felt at peace. I still do it to this day, and it always makes me feel better...
You should try it.
When I was a child, my dad used to beat me... sometimes really bad. I would run upstairs and climb into my grandma's bed and hope that she could protect me, but even at the tender young age of 7, I knew that the only person who could really protect me was God. After I had gotten beat, or when I was really sad, I would go into the spare room in my grandma's house. I called it "The Holy Room." There was a bed, laying sideways against 2 windows. The tall dresser served as the make shift alter. On top there was a fancy china plate with the Virgin Mary painted on it, there was a crucifixion cross, and a white candle was continuously burning. My grandmother also had a small radio that played the christian station (94.7 Family Radio -thanks Kenneth for reminding me-) 24/7/365 (366 in a leap year). This was my safe heaven.
I would lay as close to the window as possible, looking as hard as I could to see at least one star in the bright sky. The flood light next to my window didn't help, but I still tried. After a while, I would say my prayers, just like my grandma taught me (an "Our Father", followed by thanking God for EVERYTHING, then asking for forgiveness for all the wrong things I've done. Then I would ask the lord to bless all the people I knew, I would ask God to fix me and make me a better child, and finally I'd wrap it up with 'In my little bed I lie..."
When my prayers were finally done, I would close my eyes real tight and imagine I was a tiny baby, floating high in the sky, above the clouds, looking down at the stars. I would imagine that God was holding me in his arms, rocking me to sleep, wiping away my tears, and letting me know that everything was going to be okay. If I tried hard enough, I could actually feel myself being rocked back and forth. I felt at peace. I still do it to this day, and it always makes me feel better...
You should try it.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
For What Its Worth
Long distance relationships never really work out in the end. I've heard this many times from a lot of people, and have actually went through that same emotional roller coaster a few times myself. It seems that at one time or another in my life I've had to because I travel so much. I constantly ask myself, why am I doing this to myself. Always wondering where he is, why he didn't answer his phone, and how come he's out so late... If I'm stressing this hard and he doesn't appreciate it, work on it, or even put in half the effort that I'm giving, then what is it worth?
"My fingers are numb, my arms are tired, and my heart is weak... Maybe I'm just holding on too tight for all the wrong reasons. Its not like you're helping me up, as long as I'm not actually falling you think its okay because "I got it" but when are you gonna "have" me... Maybe I'm tired of holding on... for all the wrong reasons." - TeLLiey*
"My fingers are numb, my arms are tired, and my heart is weak... Maybe I'm just holding on too tight for all the wrong reasons. Its not like you're helping me up, as long as I'm not actually falling you think its okay because "I got it" but when are you gonna "have" me... Maybe I'm tired of holding on... for all the wrong reasons." - TeLLiey*
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