I have NOT failed

Sometimes I look back at my life and look at where I am now and I feel like I failed. But according to who though? As far as I'm concerned there's always another day and another chance. I can't keep living my life according to what others expect me to do, because honestly, they didn't do what I expected them to either. Why does the scale of how others rate and judge me have such a big impact on my own self worth? I believe its because I think I failed them. Not me. I want to be successful, but I learned in a class I took a few months ago that everyone defines success differently. Some see it as having money, and a house and a car and blah blah blah. I failed my mother because I was not a straight A student. According to her I didn't reach my full potential in High School and I just did the bear minimum to get by. This might be true, but with the mind frame I was in and comparing my High School years in New York to my High School years with her, I made a hell of an improvement, and I am damn proud of me. I graduated on time. I failed my father for every reason in the book. Some how some way, I always let him down. He's let me down too. For most of my life actually. My father gave me millions of empty promises and sometimes he still does. I don't think he does it on purpose, but I really wish he would stop writing checks with his desires and just be there for me. I just want my family to be there for me. I wish they would all stop dwelling on my failed achievements, my mistakes and my flaws. I wish everyone would stop making plans for me and making me feel like I'm making the wrong decision when I choose not to follow the path that they picked. Maybe I'm hard headed. That's what they always tell me, but maybe I just want to make my own choices, live my own life, make my own mistakes and have my own experiences. I have not failed. I have barely begun to achieve, and trust me, I will achieve. I just wish someone other than me would believe in me.

Family Boundaries

Family is important

But so are boundaries

And it astounds me

That I didn’t see it as clearly years ago

As I do today

I guess it’s a small victory in life

That I have yet to apply

I guess that’s why sometimes I cry

When they’re smiling in the pretty pictures on Facebook

All dolled up in their prom dresses and suits

Just like the prom I never got to go to

You see, it is family

That supposedly loves you the most

And yet you push them away as adolescents

Maybe later

You live to regret it

Because it’s true

And they’re so much nicer now

With only an underlying tone of the bitch before

Did you ever wonder why?

Because I still don’t know

It doesn’t matter though

Because I still can’t forget about the boundaries