I don't understand why some people find it so hard to grasp the concept of a person being bisexual; especially if that person is a female. That doesn't mean they want to have sex with any and everybody. It doesn't mean that she likes to have sex with other girls for a man's entertainment or pleasure. If a woman is bisexual, it simply means she likes both men and women.
I know some of you are reading this like "well duh, I know what bisexual means." But sometimes I honestly don't think people get it. (Yes I am a bisexual woman. I'm not just speaking on their behalf) I've always liked both guys and girls. I kept it a secret for a long time because of religion and fear or what my friends and parents would say or how they would react. I had a brief slip in High School when it came out a little bit, but everyone just brushed it off as a phase... and I let them. Shame on me not being true to myself blah blah blah, yeah I know.
Anyway, I wound up dating a girl, and I cared about her so much, I couldn't imagine hurting her by introducing her to people as "my friend" knowing it was much more than that. People were shocked. Some stopped talking to me, others said it was just a phase... Again. Although she and I were together for over a year, it ended, and my next relationship just happened to be with a man. Now everyone is asking "so you're not gay anymore?".....
Seriously?? *sigh* Let me try to explain in laments terms.
1. I never said I was gay. I like both sexes, that makes me bisexual. When I'm dating a woman, it doesn't make me gay, and when I'm dating a man, it doesn't make me straight. I can understand those assumptions coming from people who don't know me, from the outside looking in; but my friends?? Come on guys... get it together.
2. I never "switched teams." I never picked one to begin with ;-)
My question is, why is it so serious for you to put a label on who is sexing me? Whether I am called gay, straight, bisexual, weird, confused, or when ever else people choose to call me, it doesn't change who I am, what I like, or who I'm with... So HOP OFF LoL the labels are for you, if it helps you sleep better at night.
When I said you in this entry, I did not necessarily mean "YOU" the reader, but if you took offense or were moved the wrong way, then I am talking to you...
Monday, July 30, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
L.U.S.T.
Although I want you here and now
I do not dare to break the vow
I made
So long ago
A commitment to me
And also to He
That's when it became a "We" kind of thing
That was before I met you
And now, as I reminisce on the times gone by
Those joyous occasions
Turned to laughs done dry
Tears in my eyes, and worry in my head
Do I dare enter another man's bed?
Does another woman belong there?
Would it make it okay?
See now I'm getting carried away
I can not
I shall not
I will
NOT
My will to "not" is growing thin
If only the sparks that flew
When I was blinded by love
Would begin again
But then again
If I was blinded, then
How could I see?
He, Me, and also We
Then there's you
From a distance
Like an oasis in the sand
Perfect in my mind
But always out of the reach of my hand
Friday, June 15, 2012
Mind Games
"Come here." Malcolm said. Asia rolled her eyes at him. She was getting tired of playing these pretend games with her son's father. Every Friday she would take Zakeem to see his daddy. After the hour and a half train ride from Harlem to Brooklyn, little Za Za would be more than ready to take a nap. Asia would change her son's clothes and lay him down to sleep, all the while Malcolm would be grinding behind her. She had given up trying to get him to stop months ago. It seemed like telling him she didn't want it only turned him on even more. As much as she didn't want to encourage him, she loved her weekly fix.
She was torn as she looked at the diamond ring on her left hand that Jamal had given her the day after her son was born. He'd told her that he loved her to death. When first met, Asia was already pregnant. After a few months he told her he didn't care that the baby wasn't his.He was falling in love with her. He vowed to be there for her no matter what. As she laid in recovery 6 months later, he got down on one knee and slipped the ring on her finger. They weren't even dating, but the best relationships come from solid friendships right? Zakeem would be one in three months, and she still hadn't given Jamal the goods. He loved her to death and she knew it, yet here she was, allowing Malcolm to pull her off the bed where their son lay sleeping and into the living-room where they had fucked countless times before.
"No, I have to go." Asia said pulling away, but Malcolm pulled her back and locked her in his embrace. She tried to push herself away, but it was useless. He brought her face to his and kissed her full on the lips. For an instant she melted. He was using one hand to hold her against him and the other was busy trying to get into her pants. She stopped resisting and let the inevitable happen. Malcolm felt her body relax and smiled. He told her to lift up her arms and she complied. He lifted her shirt over her head, unfastened her bra, letting her breast fall out of each cup simultaneously. He kissed each one before laying her down and pulling her pants off in one swift motion; something he had mastered long ago. He took off his boxers and as he was unwrapping the condom Asia finally came to her senses. She sat up and reached for her shirt. Malcolm pushed her back down.
"Stop playing." Asia said as she attempted to get up.
"I'm not playin." He replied pushing her down again. This time he lifted her legs over his shoulders and pulled her hips towards the edge of the couch. He entered her entirely in one swift thrust, taking her breath away. A million thoughts ran through her mind as he rammed himself into her over and over again, harder each time.She loved it.She loved him.She hated it.She felt guilty.
By the time he emptied his load Asia was in tears. Malcolm stood up and went to the bathroom to wash himself off. When he returned, Asia was still in the same position he left her in. Legs crumpled beneath her on the floor, head resting on the edge of the couch where her juices had soaked in.
"Yo, get up." Malcolm said as he kicked her panties towards her. Weakly, she began to get dressed. She looked at him: Brand new Jordan's on his feet, True jeans, a crisp Polo shirt to match. His hair was neatly braided... A design that she had created and braided herself. The diamonds in his ears, on his wrist, on his finger... All of it disgusted her at that moment. Finally dressed in her Pretty Girl jeans and Rainbow top, she walked right up to him and decided to tell him how she felt.
"I fucking HATE you." She said, pushing him out of her way. He pulled her back.
"What do you mean?"
"You heard what the fuck I said."
"So now all of a sudden you hate me?"
"Yes!" She yelled turning away.
"Why?" He asked reaching for her hand. She didn't resist.
"Look at you. Look at how you treat me. You always say that when I'm in Brooklyn I never spend any time with you, but when I am here, you just fuck me and send me on my way."
"I do not."
"THEN you have the nerve to tell me you love me. Fuck you!"
"Asia..."
"You make me feel like shit."
"Asia."
"You just use me to get your nuts off."
"Asia."
"WHAT?!"
"If I didn't care about you I would call you to come over in the middle of the night and fuck you in my car. I don't treat you like these other bitches. You just always wanna cry and bitch about something. I don't know what the fuck you want anymore. You tell me you love me then you hate me. You say I fuck you and kick you out but most of the time its YOU hightailing your ass out of here to go smoke with ya friends. Before you go yelling and crying about shit, check yourself."She stared at him for a good long while.
"You know what Malcolm? You're right. You know me all too well, but apparently still not well enough." With that, she gathered her things, kissed her sleeping son goodbye and left.
Asia was a woman of routine, and today was Friday. Zakeem was at his father's house *check* She had already copped a quarter *check* Got the buddy *check* and was headed to her home girls house. It was 1 in the afternoon, but she knew that there was a great possibility that Stephanie and Trisha were still sleeping. She had a lot to get done before she had to go to work later on that night. The usual neighborhood boys were chilling on the block. They parted like the read sea as Asia passed, some of them trying to grab her hand and talk to her. Even though some of them were really cute, most of them were young, in age and in the head. They were nickle and dime hustlers. She saw these same boys every time she came to see Stephanie and Trisha. No matter what time it was they were always there. She didn't have time for that, and she didn't want t be associated with any of them. She played her part though. She smiled and was always polite. Asia had the tendency to flirt with out realizing it. She was a natural. Flirting had its advantages, like getting into the building without a key.
"Thank you" she said and smiled as she walked in.
"No problem ma. What's your name?" She continued walking. She never told them her name and she didn't care to know theirs either. Malcolm had just pushed the wrong button on her nerves, and she was set to put his ass back in his place. She knew she was wrong, but in her world, everything had to be wrong to be right.
She was torn as she looked at the diamond ring on her left hand that Jamal had given her the day after her son was born. He'd told her that he loved her to death. When first met, Asia was already pregnant. After a few months he told her he didn't care that the baby wasn't his.He was falling in love with her. He vowed to be there for her no matter what. As she laid in recovery 6 months later, he got down on one knee and slipped the ring on her finger. They weren't even dating, but the best relationships come from solid friendships right? Zakeem would be one in three months, and she still hadn't given Jamal the goods. He loved her to death and she knew it, yet here she was, allowing Malcolm to pull her off the bed where their son lay sleeping and into the living-room where they had fucked countless times before.
"No, I have to go." Asia said pulling away, but Malcolm pulled her back and locked her in his embrace. She tried to push herself away, but it was useless. He brought her face to his and kissed her full on the lips. For an instant she melted. He was using one hand to hold her against him and the other was busy trying to get into her pants. She stopped resisting and let the inevitable happen. Malcolm felt her body relax and smiled. He told her to lift up her arms and she complied. He lifted her shirt over her head, unfastened her bra, letting her breast fall out of each cup simultaneously. He kissed each one before laying her down and pulling her pants off in one swift motion; something he had mastered long ago. He took off his boxers and as he was unwrapping the condom Asia finally came to her senses. She sat up and reached for her shirt. Malcolm pushed her back down.
"Stop playing." Asia said as she attempted to get up.
"I'm not playin." He replied pushing her down again. This time he lifted her legs over his shoulders and pulled her hips towards the edge of the couch. He entered her entirely in one swift thrust, taking her breath away. A million thoughts ran through her mind as he rammed himself into her over and over again, harder each time.She loved it.She loved him.She hated it.She felt guilty.
By the time he emptied his load Asia was in tears. Malcolm stood up and went to the bathroom to wash himself off. When he returned, Asia was still in the same position he left her in. Legs crumpled beneath her on the floor, head resting on the edge of the couch where her juices had soaked in.
"Yo, get up." Malcolm said as he kicked her panties towards her. Weakly, she began to get dressed. She looked at him: Brand new Jordan's on his feet, True jeans, a crisp Polo shirt to match. His hair was neatly braided... A design that she had created and braided herself. The diamonds in his ears, on his wrist, on his finger... All of it disgusted her at that moment. Finally dressed in her Pretty Girl jeans and Rainbow top, she walked right up to him and decided to tell him how she felt.
"I fucking HATE you." She said, pushing him out of her way. He pulled her back.
"What do you mean?"
"You heard what the fuck I said."
"So now all of a sudden you hate me?"
"Yes!" She yelled turning away.
"Why?" He asked reaching for her hand. She didn't resist.
"Look at you. Look at how you treat me. You always say that when I'm in Brooklyn I never spend any time with you, but when I am here, you just fuck me and send me on my way."
"I do not."
"THEN you have the nerve to tell me you love me. Fuck you!"
"Asia..."
"You make me feel like shit."
"Asia."
"You just use me to get your nuts off."
"Asia."
"WHAT?!"
"If I didn't care about you I would call you to come over in the middle of the night and fuck you in my car. I don't treat you like these other bitches. You just always wanna cry and bitch about something. I don't know what the fuck you want anymore. You tell me you love me then you hate me. You say I fuck you and kick you out but most of the time its YOU hightailing your ass out of here to go smoke with ya friends. Before you go yelling and crying about shit, check yourself."She stared at him for a good long while.
"You know what Malcolm? You're right. You know me all too well, but apparently still not well enough." With that, she gathered her things, kissed her sleeping son goodbye and left.
Asia was a woman of routine, and today was Friday. Zakeem was at his father's house *check* She had already copped a quarter *check* Got the buddy *check* and was headed to her home girls house. It was 1 in the afternoon, but she knew that there was a great possibility that Stephanie and Trisha were still sleeping. She had a lot to get done before she had to go to work later on that night. The usual neighborhood boys were chilling on the block. They parted like the read sea as Asia passed, some of them trying to grab her hand and talk to her. Even though some of them were really cute, most of them were young, in age and in the head. They were nickle and dime hustlers. She saw these same boys every time she came to see Stephanie and Trisha. No matter what time it was they were always there. She didn't have time for that, and she didn't want t be associated with any of them. She played her part though. She smiled and was always polite. Asia had the tendency to flirt with out realizing it. She was a natural. Flirting had its advantages, like getting into the building without a key.
"Thank you" she said and smiled as she walked in.
"No problem ma. What's your name?" She continued walking. She never told them her name and she didn't care to know theirs either. Malcolm had just pushed the wrong button on her nerves, and she was set to put his ass back in his place. She knew she was wrong, but in her world, everything had to be wrong to be right.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
#ImJustSayin
These feelings I have I cant ignore em
But still I store em
And act on em just a lil bit
But if I really acted out the thoughts
That I be thinkin in my head
Would it really be that bad?
Would some people treat me weird?
(Probably)
But thats a good way
To sort out fiction from the truth
When all is said and done
I'll really see whose who
But still I store em
And act on em just a lil bit
But if I really acted out the thoughts
That I be thinkin in my head
Would it really be that bad?
Would some people treat me weird?
(Probably)
But thats a good way
To sort out fiction from the truth
When all is said and done
I'll really see whose who
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Talking to Myself
"Conscience makes cowards of us all" - Hamlet
I am jealous. Yes, I will admit it. So what? I don't like to share, which is funny, because people have to share me. I often spread myself thin.
I am angry.
You try not to let it get the best of you, but I know you can feel me seething through your pores. You know you're pissed.
But I'm in a position where I can't say or do anything... Except leave
That's what you always do!!
But I don't want to anymore. I think those watching have come to expect that of me... From me. I can't just give them what they want.
Yet you beat yourself up all the time doing exactly that. Why do you think you're so angry? You stress yourself trying to please others and your efforts go unnoticed. Why do you think you are jealous.
I am only jealous of what is mine.
And what you feel should be yours; like love, attention, affection.
I get all of that.
Do you really?
Yes really. I don't want for anything...
Then why are you so mad at yourself?
I never said I was mad at me.
You see... you think you've changed so much, but you're still the same. You are ME!
But I am not you...
Me: 1
Me: 0
I am jealous. Yes, I will admit it. So what? I don't like to share, which is funny, because people have to share me. I often spread myself thin.
I am angry.
You try not to let it get the best of you, but I know you can feel me seething through your pores. You know you're pissed.
But I'm in a position where I can't say or do anything... Except leave
That's what you always do!!
But I don't want to anymore. I think those watching have come to expect that of me... From me. I can't just give them what they want.
Yet you beat yourself up all the time doing exactly that. Why do you think you're so angry? You stress yourself trying to please others and your efforts go unnoticed. Why do you think you are jealous.
I am only jealous of what is mine.
And what you feel should be yours; like love, attention, affection.
I get all of that.
Do you really?
Yes really. I don't want for anything...
Then why are you so mad at yourself?
I never said I was mad at me.
You see... you think you've changed so much, but you're still the same. You are ME!
But I am not you...
Me: 1
Me: 0
Monday, June 4, 2012
Social Networking Etiquette
"I don't have a lot of friends. I just happened to cross paths with a lot of people as I lived my life. It's kind of "socially" expected for me to add these people on Facebook..."
-Sad but True-
-TeLLiey*
Remember I said it...
When I sit around and laugh with my friends I often joke around and say "Yea watch, I'm gunna be famous, and if I'm not famous then I'm gunna be rich". I say it in a joking matter but some don't realize just how serious I am.
I believe that the only reason I have not been blessed with that which I desire is because Im simply not ready for it yet. God is not gunna give you a thousand dollars if you blow 100 on nonsense. So he cant bless me with my house until I get an apt. He cant give me a mini mansion until he sees that I can handle a house. But the most important thing to know is that God isn't gunna just give you anything. You have to work hard for it, and when He knows that you'll truly appreciate the blessings that He's about to drench you with, you'll be given everything your little heart desires. That goes for money, your house, your car (that you always wanted), even your significant other. Maybe you don't have someone because you wouldn't appreciate them if you did... ever thought about that?
Sometimes you don't get what you want because of you. I realized that... I couldn't have what I wanted, what I cried for, what I prayed for, simply because I refused to let go of the very thing that was holding me down and holding me back. But Never no more...
I got what I wanted
And I couldn't be happier...
There's still more coming...
And I'm still gunna be famous..
Or rich,
Either one works :)
.
I believe that the only reason I have not been blessed with that which I desire is because Im simply not ready for it yet. God is not gunna give you a thousand dollars if you blow 100 on nonsense. So he cant bless me with my house until I get an apt. He cant give me a mini mansion until he sees that I can handle a house. But the most important thing to know is that God isn't gunna just give you anything. You have to work hard for it, and when He knows that you'll truly appreciate the blessings that He's about to drench you with, you'll be given everything your little heart desires. That goes for money, your house, your car (that you always wanted), even your significant other. Maybe you don't have someone because you wouldn't appreciate them if you did... ever thought about that?
Sometimes you don't get what you want because of you. I realized that... I couldn't have what I wanted, what I cried for, what I prayed for, simply because I refused to let go of the very thing that was holding me down and holding me back. But Never no more...
I got what I wanted
And I couldn't be happier...
There's still more coming...
And I'm still gunna be famous..
Or rich,
Either one works :)
.
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